"Designated" Driver

So, a friend of mine texted me at work last night asking what I would be doing for the evening. I had no plans, and I don't necessarily like going to parties, but I had nothing else to do.

I knew he wanted to go to a party, so I said I had no plans. Then he invited me to a party.

He gets to my house, and three other guys hop out of the car, and walk to my car. He didn't even tell me that we were taking mine.

So, I asked if he was driving so that I could drink. He said he would.

I mentioned to everyone that I could not drink too much, and could not be out too late because my mom and I had to wake up early and do some Christmas shopping.

We get to the party, I see old friends (surprisingly because I didn't know anyone), I'm meeting new friends, drinking, hanging out.

All of a sudden I catch my designated driver taking shots!!

I kept scolding him, and the other guys assured me that he wasn't going to be drinking anymore, but I kept catching him. I was already drunk by that time so I believed them.

Then I see him playing Beer Pong. He assured me he wasn't drinking. I was too drunk to pay attention so I didn't notice whether he was lying or not.

Then I begin a game of Beer Pong with one of  my newfound friends against my designated driver, and a pretty girl who was pretty good at the game.

I caught him drinking a few times, and I was getting pissed.

So, I lose and go about my business. The clock strikes 2:30am, and I'm ready to go, but everyone else wasn't.

3:00 came around, one of the guys found another ride home, and the other two were ready to go, I'm asleep at the dining room table, but my designated driver was STILL playing Beer Pong. He kept saying: "After this game, after this game."

So, I had to fight him for my keys to give to one the other guys, because they both "sobered up." He kept arguing saying he was fine to drive, yet he was stumbling, and told me that if we left him he would "be mad."

4:00 comes around, and we're finally able to leave. My now "designated driver" is still trying to convince us that he was okay to drive, but kept trying to get into the passenger seat to drive.

On the way home, the new driver began to swirve. I said "Oh, hell no." and we pulled over and I drove. If anyone was going to swirve in my vehicle it would be me.

So, the "designated driver" was SOOO drunk, that he kept rambling on the whole 30 minute car ride home. He wasn't even making sense.

"See Erik, I wanted to make sure you were good to drive, that's why we waited to drive home."

Whatever he meant by that.

He kept wanting me to stop by Jack in the Box, but I was not having it.

We dropped off one of the guys, and the other said that our "designated driver" would be staying at his place for the night, so that made sense because obviously the sober one could drive "designated"'s car from my house.

We get to my house and "designated driver" gets into his driver seat. He was parked in my spot, so I had to watch them fight over who was driving while I was in park right behind them in front of my house.

Finally, the sober one gave up and got in the passenger seat.

"Designated driver" pulled up REALLY close to my cousin's car who was parralleled parked in front of the neighbor's house in front of my spot.

THEN HE BACKED UP INTO MY SUV!!

Both of them looked back at me, and "designated driver" sped off!!

There was hardly any damage, because my vehicle is so big compared to his. However, the fact is HE HIT IT!!

I didn't have a DD= Designated Driver

I had a DDD= Drunk Designated Driver.