Lindsay Lohan, Your Daddy Needs Help

I'm not too sure what Michael Lohan is famous for besides being the father of a fuck up.

But his name has popped up on 2 reality shows of the same franchise.

The Real Housewives franchise at that.

Now, what IS this man doing exactly?

You've got a wild and crazy daughter in and out of rehab, always acting a DAMN FOOL.

Then you've got another one trying to be like that damn fool.

And you've got an  ex-wife whose actions and personality speak for themselves.

Your hands are full, what are you doing on the Real Housewives?

You need to be on the Real Fathers of the Wild and Crazy American Teen, and whoop their asses !!

First time around, we saw Mr. Lohan back in '08 or '09 on season 2 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

The very first and second episodes to be exact.

The infamous scene were Kim Zolciak, one of the Atanta housewives, is being chased out of a restaurant and down the street by co stars, NeNe Leakes and Sheree Whitfield.

Lohan is seen sitting with Zolciak inside the restaurant, and he sort of plays Captain Save-a-Hoe outside when Zolciak is crying after Whitfield tried to pull her wig off.

Leakes is seen chasing the two yelling, "Wait Lindsay Lohan Daddy!! You take yo' ass back to Malibu!!" 

It is rumoured that the two were having a make-out session on the street right after the incident takes place.

Zolciak denies it, however.

Moving along, there was Lohan's most recent (and the exact reason why I wrote this blog) housewives hookup.

The Real Trrashy Housewives of New Jersey's, Kim G.!!

Okay, she's not even a housewife officially yet, but she was featured on the show enough to be an honorary housewife.

Kim G.

What else has Michael got to lose now?

 You tell me.

He has completely lost his mind!!

(And so has Kim)

They are so desperate for attention, that they go well together actually.

And last but not least, Lohan is rumored to be on the upcoming Celebrity Rehab with, you guessed it, another BLONDE houswife!!

This time, The Real Housewives of Washington D.C.'s Michaele Salahi!!

You know, the woman who infamously crashed a White House party alongside her husband, and tried to sell their interview with President Obama afterward.

The couple also just recently crashed the Superbowl party held at the Dallas stadium after this year's Superbowl.

Brave couple, those two.

Anyway, I don't know what the deal is with Michael Lohan and blonde women on the Real Housewives.

All I know is he needs help.

Lindsay Lohan, your daddy needs help.

But at least Kim G. has big bucks rolling in. 

  

My Hair is Alive

As you may already know from my previous post, my pompadour was believed to be killed by a harsh chemical and an occupied mother.

However, it's good news day here, I'm afraid.

After my classes today, I went home and began looking for an example of how I wanted my hair cut to take down to the beauty school where Porsha, a good friend of mine and my cousins', attends. 

Porsha is the lovely woman responsible for my hairstyle.

She was the first person to ever do my hair that way.

I texted Porsha asking if she would be available for the day or the next. 

She told me to come at 4.

It was already a little before 2 I believe.

I still had time to decide what I wanted to do.

I asked all of my Facebook friends, and I got various different responses.

(I will NEVER wear a mullet!!)

The most appealing to me was: "...It's because of the fact that you just relaxed it that it's not styling right but after you wash your hair a couple times it should be good."

I took these words of advice and washed my hair 3 times in a row, with 2 different types of shampoo.

And I must have conditioned 6 different times with 3 different conditioners.

Once I blow dried my hair, I could already see the thickness that was once there before I re-relaxed it.

AND VOILA!!

I styled it and the pompadour was back!!

Just hours before I was going in to chop it all off.

It's still a little thin and floppy, but it's coming back.

Relaxers are bittersweet.

They help, yet prevent.

And as for accusing my mother, I somewhat apologize.

Hair or no hair, MY SCALP WAS ON FIRE!!

And once again:

I'm Losing My Hair

As a lot of people who know me know that I've been sporting my famous pompadour for a while now.

The pompadour hairstyle was brought to fame and named after King Louis XV of France's mistress (or one of them at least) Madame de Pompadour.

Although I've yet to see a picture of her actually sporting it.

It was probably most famous in the 40's and 50's.

Anyway, due to unfortunate events, I've had to make one of the hardest decisions of mon vie.

Yesterday, I asked my mother to put a perm/relaxer on my head.

If you're not familiar, you probably aren't black, but we use it basically as a chemical straightener you could say.

You are not to scratch your head before putting one on, as it will burn your scalp.

You are not to dye your hair for about 2 weeks before or after a perm (if you're black, of course) as it will cause your hair to fall out.

Well, I just wanted a quick perm to give my hair some extra oomph.

Problem is, my mother started engaging in a conversation JUST AS my scalp started to burn.

I called her, and called her, and called her.

She kept yelling back that she was looking at her shoes that just came in the mail, or the water wasn't warm enough for her to rinse it out yet.

Um, how does SHE know it's not WARM enough, it's MY head that's going to feel it!!

Eventually, I had to start rinsing it out myself. 

Having never done this, and my hair being on FIRE I was extremely nervous!!

I couldn't take it anymore, and I had just started rinsing it out.

I immediately applied shampoo, and all I can hear is my mother:

"You put shamPOO?!! NOT YET!! Don't you know how to rinse?"

Well, excuse me,  I asked for your help earlier!!

When the time came to ACTUALLY put the shampoo on, my head was sizzling from burning so bad and having water on it.

When the shampoo made contact with my scalp, it was a feeling that I NEVER want to feel again.

Just kill me first.

As well as when I applied conditioner.  

THREE DIFFERENT TYPES TOO!!

My hair didn't really do what I wanted yesterday, so I woke up this morning hoping to try again.

I did my hair as soon as the relaxer was removed, so I figured that had something to do with it. 

But now I'm confused.

My hair is so thin and relaxed now, that it won't even stick up!!

I'm black!!

That's not supposed to happen.

Now, I don't know WHAT to do.

I believe it is just fried along with my scalp.

I'm in so much SHOCK.

The only thing I can think of is to cut it into another style.

It sucks, but I can't go around looking like Shaka-Zulu.

And remember:

     

      

Battle: Los Angeles Review!!

On one of my bored days off, I spent the evening at the theater watching Battle: Los Angeles!!

The film was an excellent piece altogether.

The cast was good, yet interesting.

I never pictured singer, Neyo, in this sort of film.

He seems too much of a sissy pretty boy.

Michelle Rodriguez did her thang, and handled it.

She delivered as usual, being the only female member of the military in the film, and the only character in the military who wasn't in the Marines. 

I heard that this may be her last action film.

I'm hoping this isn't true, because, honestly, what else is she good at?

Let's not embarrass ourselves now, Ms. Rodriguez. 
Aaron Eckhart played the lead role!!

Showing the world that there IS business for him after The Dark Knight. 

Corey Hardrict, husband to Tia Mowry also had a big role in the film.

He was a sort of enemy to Eckhart's character.

 There were quite a few brothas in the film.

I was glad to see some color, however, were they trying to imply something about brothas and the military?

Much less the Marines?

I thought the children in the movie all did an outstanding job being scared and screaming.

  
Just like Dakota Fanning in War Of The Worlds!!

  
But the best part about the film was its non-stop action!!

Whenever one problem (threat) would be resolved (killed) another ensued shortly after.

It never ended!!
The special effects were up to par, minus when 2 soldiers (I believe one was Neyo's character) fell off of a freeway bridge, and hit the ground below.

It looked like the effects used when young witches and wizards would hit the floor after being knocked off the balance of their brooms while playing quidditch in the first Harry Potter film.

  IN 2001!!


Let's improve those effects, shall we?

The plot and storyline were excellent.

It was quite interesting and creative.

The attacking aliens (or drones) wanted our water.


I guess Earth is the only place with liquid H20, and they needed it to survive too.

Shit, can't we share at least?

There was a note that one soldier, played by Ramon Rodriguez wrote to his wife.
He folded it before the camera(viewer) is able to read what is said but at the top it was addressed to his "lovely wife."

The note is passed to 2 different people during the movie to give to his wife, but it never is shown that she received it.
So, I have NO idea what it even said.
And I'm not going to lie, that sort of irritates me.

I especially enjoyed the fact that it was all about a group of Marines at the same time as I hated that fact!!

I wish that the film showed different people's perspectives of the attack, and their stories.

Like a regular citizen's story (perhaps the man and woman found in the police station), a police officer, maybe a firefighter, a college student.

Not just all one group.

Maybe they all could have been linked together in the end?

But if they're going to focus on one military group, I'd rather it be the Marines any day.

Sad as it sounds, people were dropping like flies throughout the film.

There were so many characters introduced to the viewer, but not enough time to embrace them all before they were killed off.

I know I've already forgotten about some of the dead characters. 
 
Maybe they weren't supposed to be major characters.

I felt no sympathy for some who died, because I wasn't given the chance to get to know them before they were killed off.

My biggest issue with the film is its title.

Battle: Los Angeles

Why?

They were in Santa Monica the entire time.

They were HEADED for L.A. at the VERY end!!

They should have placed the characters deep into the city.

I wanted to see historical landmarks and giant buildings being destroyed.

I wanted to see chaos, mayhem, and havoc in the streets!!

But why do I even say I like this movie if I have so many (I don't want to say "negative") things to say about it?

Only because I simply loved it!!

I enjoyed it so much that I have to call out the parts I didn't like if that even makes any sense at all.

Think of the things that I would have done to make it better for my liking as the viewer had I been the writer.

This movie is gets 5 stars. 5.

I normally fall asleep at the theater no matter what.
 

But not this time (I did tune in and out a few times, however.)

This movie had me biting my nails, sitting straight up at the edge of my velvet cushioned seat!!

So much crazy action blasting at you at full force.

(War of the Worlds)

I think it had a better plot than War of the Worlds, but I wish it had came with something harder with its craziness.